Ffff. Yeah, I'm sorry for these useless journals, all I do is moan, haha. But that's because I don't have any good news to write about instead.
Why is it so hard to find, well, anything to do around here?! Sure, with my current situation, I'm hardly expecting to suddenly get a nice fancy job... (or, hell, any job at all ._.)...
So volunteering should be good, right? Would help local people, give me experience and let me learn things, and generally stop me sinking into horrible frustrated boredom.
But nooooo. Still every day I get more depressing emails and calls from various groups, saying they don't need any help. Despite what many of them actually advertise, in papers and online. Y U advertise crap, charities and stables? * and I should clarify: oh, they want lots of fundraising (ie money), but never any actual physical help anywhere. Which is what I need to do, to get experience, and also not stay bored shitless at home.
Just argh! Is there really NOTHING for me to do in this whole town?! Or the many villages around here? This is mental. I'm going mental. Stuck here with my grandparents, who mock my failed work-hunting attempts and call me "lazy" - apparently, any kind of art or charity-work or animal-work are all "not real work" and I'm being sissy by desperately trying to get somewhere in those areas, in any way...Though pfft, I'm sure if I wanted to become a good old-fashioned driver or a nurse like them, they'd STILL say that. xD They'll only ever be happy with me if I win the lottery or something!
Well, that felt good to rant. Even if pointless, but hey.
It seems my only 2 options left are to...
Somehow go and study at college
ah but I still don't have thousands of £, so f*ck them and their stupidly expensive (but amazing) courses. :< Despite my messed-up situation, there wouldn't be any financial support for me, I've asked them.
2. Just keep waiting and searching and asking around, mostly stuck at home, bored silly by endless drawing... and often feeling so worthless.
Don't know what I'll do. Really pessimistic (even more than I generally am).
But still, I have to say it again: you guys here are all amazing!
I swear I would've lost my mind months ago, without people to talk to and draw with online.
Art is the only skill I have, and the only somewhat-productive hobby I can physically do, especially with my health right now... ehh but let's not get into that. xD(yes, admittedly it is an issue, and it does probably put people off hiring me... but I'm confident I could get better - if only I had some damn motivation, ie work to look forward to in the first place! Ah, circles...)
Now just ignore this journal, no point in anyone commenting. Just keep being awesome! And thank you for putting up with my constant whining, haha.