Ffff. Yeah, I'm sorry for these useless journals, all I do is moan, haha. But that's because I don't have any good news to write about instead.
Why is it so hard to find, well, anything to do around here?! Sure, with my current situation, I'm hardly expecting to suddenly get a nice fancy job... (or, hell, any job at all ._.)...
So volunteering should be good, right? Would help local people, give me experience and let me learn things, and generally stop me sinking into horrible frustrated boredom.
But nooooo. Still every day I get more depressing emails and calls from various groups, saying they don't need any help. Despite what many of them actually advertise, in papers and online. Y U advertise crap, charities and stables?
* and I should clarify: oh, they want lots of fundraising (ie money), but never any actual physical help anywhere. Which is what I need to do, to get experience, and also not stay bored shitless at home.Just argh! Is there really NOTHING for me to do in this whole town?! Or the many villages around here? This is mental. I'm going mental. Stuck here with my grandparents, who mock my failed work-hunting attempts and call me "lazy" - apparently, any kind of art or charity-work or animal-work are all "not real work" and I'm being sissy by desperately trying to get somewhere in those areas, in any way...
Though pfft, I'm sure if I wanted to become a good old-fashioned driver or a nurse like them, they'd STILL say that. xD They'll only ever be happy with me if I win the lottery or something!
Well, that felt good to rant. Even if pointless, but hey.
It seems my only 2 options left are to...
1.
Somehow go and study at college ah but I still don't have thousands of £, so f*ck them and their stupidly expensive (but amazing) courses. :< Despite my messed-up situation, there wouldn't be any financial support for me, I've asked them.
2. Just keep waiting and searching and asking around, mostly stuck at home, bored silly by endless drawing... and often feeling so worthless.
Don't know what I'll do. Really pessimistic (even more than I generally am).
But still, I have to say it again: you guys here are all amazing!
I swear I would've lost my mind months ago, without people to talk to and draw with online.
Art is the only skill I have, and the only somewhat-productive hobby I can physically do, especially with my health right now... ehh but let's not get into that. xD
(yes, admittedly it is an issue, and it does probably put people off hiring me... but I'm confident I could get better - if only I had some damn motivation, ie work to look forward to in the first place! Ah, circles...)
Now just ignore this journal, no point in anyone commenting. Just keep being awesome! And thank you for putting up with my constant whining, haha.
`anmari has been spreading her infectious positivity throughout our community for over 6 years. Throughout this time Ana has been at the core of all things devious, passionately developing an eclectic gallery, helping organise devmeets, participating in chat events and also recently completed dedicating her time as a Community Volunteer. We are absolutely delighted to bestow the Deviousness Award for May 2013 to `anmari, congratulations! Read More
Sta.sh
My recent work, I hope all enjoy 
and recently received featured in this new digital magazine 
:bulletpink: :bulletorange: :bulletblack: :bulletwhite:
Thankfully, in my country we have something called HECS that is basically a study loan, so that you can go study and then pay your uni fees once you are earning enough, having gotten a job with the degree you have. That's the only reason why I'm currently doing what i am now; without HECS, it would be YEARS before I could even think of being able to afford it up-front!
It's not true that you're lazy. Actually I think you're a very hard worker because you're putting a lot of time and effort into finding a job, or a place where to volunteer. And let's not forget about your art -- it takes great dedication to create artwork like you do!
Never, ever lose hope. There's always a way out. Have you ever thought of the possibility of finding work outside of town? It may be the only solution to your situation. If you cannot afford to do it anytime soon -- don't worry! The time will come eventually.
As for your grandparents saying that any work related to art, charity, or animals isn't work -- well, they obviously have no idea! Working with animals especially takes a physical, emotional, and mental toll in order to carry out. So of course it's work, and work that teaches you responsibility. Same goes with charity.
As for art, there's an old saying that success is in doing what you love in life. It's not about earning lots of money.
Again, don't ever lose hope. There's always a ray of light even in the most darkest of times.
Hang in there! Just keep trying, you never know.
I felt really useless and unwanted- but I did eventually find a place to do part-time work in exchange for part of my horse's board.
Keeping my fingers crossed for you but I'm sure something will come up soon. I bet it'll be some super awesome job that will be worth the wait
Or maybe you can try and do something else creative, like stuffed animals or sculpting! You don't really have much to loose with trying it, so if you can get some help from your grandparents with purchasing some simple supplies, you should be just fine! It'll help keep you from being bored, if you're trying new and unique things